I’m running for President.
I’ve got about as much experience as Barack Obama, and I can find the nose on my face without staring at it in the mirror for 20 years. So, there’s absolutely no need to worry about my judgment or how I’ll handle pesky issues like Iran.
According to my high school yearbook and my blog sites, I am more popular (according to the thesaurus, you could read that as “democratic”) than Hillary Clinton…even though I’m honest…and I’m not embellishing or exaggerating or caught up in the moment or anything.
Thanks to my military experience, I can be as supportive as John McCain of the effort and troops in Iraq without feeling the need to throw my President under the bus. In John’s defense, I am informed, so I have no excuse.
Add these meager, yet defining qualities to my Christian values, fiscal conservatism, and rugged good looks; I’m a shoe in. Quick, everybody on the bandwagon.
OK, I’ll take a few questions from the floor, then I’ll announce my running mate.
“How would you address Iran?”
Well, I’m not dumb enough to pet a rabid dog. If you tell me it’s not rabid, while I’ll err on the side of caution and refrain from shooting it, I’m still going to need to see some proof before I extend my hand.
“How would you address health care?”
I don’t believe in entitlement. If others must make sacrifices for you to have something, you will have to rely on their compassion not the forceful hand of the federal government. Stealing from the alleged rich to give to the alleged poor is still stealing.
Healthcare is expensive, and it is that cost that has put it out of reach of the average citizen. If we do nothing about the cost, but then we try to extend coverage to all 270 million US citizens and 30 million unlawful extra-nationals via taxpayer contributions, we will either break the system or the bank. If we do not address those things which have raised the cost of healthcare, we are not actually addressing healthcare.
“How would you address global warming?”
Obviously, we need to be good stewards of our resources, and I would definitely address the issue within reasonable perspective, but I cannot justify setting a course for an entire nation based on unsubstantiated theories or alarmist perceptions…or Al Gore. If it can be empirically proven beyond a doubt that our actions are having a detrimental impact on our survival, drastic action would be warranted. As it stands, policy is insufficient to restrain immediate and direct threat to mankind, so it is futile to assume to curb potential or indirect effects.
Now, I intend to run with my wife as VP. I trust her with my children, so if as President I were to kick off, you bunch of miscreants would be in better hands than you deserve.
Crap, "miscreants" just shot the election for me, huh? Quick, I need a scapegoat, someone get Jeremiah Wright on the phone.
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9 comments:
You are dynamite.
Our families really must meet :-)
I would vote for you, even if I am your mother-in-law. I have been pondering the need to get involved in one's community, since I have concluded that I am not. Yes, we host a home group from church, frequently entertain, recycle, vote and attend the annual HOA meetings. That's not exactly what I think Bush Sr. had in mind when he said he was brought up to believe it was your duty to give back to your community. After all, we can't just abandon the whole political process to the special interest groups. Although it'd be tough on your family, I think voices like yours should be heard above the din of the extremists. You appeal to common sense, although some days it seems that is not so common anymore. People are not thinking about the common good; they're only thinking about "what's in it for me?" for the most part. So do we just let this experiment with democracy fail?
I think you might just have a vote coming from my direction!
I appreciate your support.
I have no need for contributions; I intend to win the whitehouse on the votes of Americans rather than the finances of special interest groups (yes, I'm dreaming).
Grandma, I intend to apoint you as head of the Department of Education.
Granny, how does "Chief Justice" sound?
Michael....three letters:
I
R
S
....sic 'em.
Hear, hear!
I look really good in black.
But Grandma and I might have to come to some sort of understanding, as I fully intend, during my tenure on the Court, to do all I can to strike down the Department of Education as unconstitutional. Do you have a Plan B for her?
I'm all for cutting back government and if I lose that Dept of Ed job, it will give me more time to play with the grandkids! ;)
There's only one problem: You make too much sense. You'll confuse all the reporters and then the political analysts won't have anything to analyze because you aren't being coy or sidestepping the issue.
An entire group of journalists will have to find new jobs.
wait..... OK, you have my vote then :D
Instinct,
That's more motivation than a lifetime of Secret Service protection.
Under your leadership, let's tear down the entire system to have a new continental congress. Let's write a constitution that cannot be ignored, and deport the nay-sayers. Heck with the I. R. S. and other bureaucracies like them!
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